Sunday, 3 December 2017

How To Encourage And Educate Teenagers About Sexual Abstinence

Making and keeping a covenant to remain sexually pure is rare. But isn’t that what you, as a parent, want for your teenager?

You sense that an uphill battle is well founded. The American Academy of Pediatrics has urged parents to stop their children from Watching MTV because of its preoccupation with sex and violence.

 According to the Barna Research group and Fortune magazine, in the next twenty – four hours 2,750 teenage children will see their parents’ divorce or separate and 925 unmarried teenage girls will be pregnant.

Most teens are living on a moral vacuum, with no absolutes and no worldview. How can you encourage sexual abstinence? You begin by becoming a hero to your children. The more you become a hero to your kids, the more they will listen to you and live by your values.

As a parent if you want to be hero to your kids you must know that, rules without relationships lead to rebellion. Knowing the odds against your teenager staying sexually pure, it would be easy to clamp down with a list of rules. But rules alone won’t work.

When you are close to them, it is easier for them to internalize a Christian perspective instead of accepting the world’s presuppositions.

Research shows that adolescent want their parents to talk to them about sex and be their primary information source.

One seventeen-year-old boy wrote: “Mom and Dad … it was your responsibility to tell me about sex before I discovered it the wrong way. You may not know it, but I learned sex from the street. Believe me, that is not the best place to learn it.”

A survey of fourteen hundred parents found that less than 15 percent of mothers and 8 percent of fathers had ever talked to their children about premarital sex or sexual intercourse. Your kids need you to teach them about their sexual development.

Biblical Convictions That Can Help Your Teenager Develop In The Sexual Area

1.       Each person is special and of great worth because each is made in the image of God. This means every individual deserves dignity, respect, and consideration. In practical terms, a boy who sees his mom and dad treating each other as person of great worth will, in turn, offer respect and consideration to his girlfriend.

2.       No one should use another in order to meet his or her own selfish needs. To use people cheapens them. Teaching your kids how valuable individuals are can have a lasting effect. If, for example, your daughter ever heard her boyfriend say, “If you really loved me, you would have sex with me, “she would recognize that not only does he not love her but he doesn’t think much of her, either.

3.       We should treat others with the same love and respect God shows to us. First Corinthians 13:4-8 explains what true love is. Among the most important parts for today’s teens is, “Love is very patient” (13:4). In God’s plan, there is a proper time and place for everything, including, as Ecclesiastics 3:5 says, “A time to hug; a time not to hug.”

Our world says, “Are you lonely? Do you feel need for intimacy? Go for it - there is no need to wait until marriage.” Our kids need to see us model patience and learn the value of waiting.

Your role as a Christian parent is vital. Your actions, attitudes, and speech have a tremendous impact on your children. Ask yourself: Am I really living out the values I hope to see in my children? Am I deliberately teaching them the Christian values of sexual purity, or am I leaving it up to others? Start when your children are young or start now, no matter what their age.

Job stood firm in the face of his day’s pressure (Job 31:1). So can your teenagers. Taking time to explain and model the Christian values by which you live is what will enable them do it.


1.       How can you become a more relational parent? See Ephesians 6:4.

2.       How, as a parent, can you help build your child’s self esteem and instill the belief that individuals are important? See Genesis 1:26-7, Psalm 8:5, John 1: 12-13.

3.       What are your own convictions about sexual purity?  See  Romans 12: 1-2, I Corinthians 6: 12 -20

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Sunday, 24 September 2017

Right Age To Enroll Your Child Into The University

This article is a very vital one for Nigeria parents of nowadays to read and learn from.
I will be sharing with you with true life stories of Nigeria parents who sent their children to school at the wrong age and they paid for it.

Life is in phases and we shouldn't speed up our children's education because we want them to be better than their peers or because of our selfish ambitions.

A  false start at the Nursery stage, can be adjusted, at the Secondary stage, it can also be adjusted.

It will cost you a lot if you make the mistake of sending or enrolling your child into the university at the wrong age, especially here in Nigeria.

Nigerian universities are places where the common slogan like "Oyo" 'On Your Own' are used.

Imagine, enrolling your child who is still sixteen years old to the university where everyone preaches (Oyo) "On Your Own"; And you know very well that your child still feels insecure, lacks confidence and can't think or decide on his or her own.

Your question now may be "So, when is the right age to enroll my child into the university?

Let me tell you a true life story

Bill and Mrs Ojo had a very beautiful daughter after many years of waiting.

Becca was a very brilliant young lady, she was so intelligent that she got into Nursery at 1 year plus and into primary at 3 years plus, by the time she was 13 years plus she had passed WAEC, JAMB and was admitted into one of our state university.

She was celebrated even on television with both parents looking smug and almost bursting with pride.

At 16 years, Becca was murdered by another student.

Sad but true.

What happened? Plain and simple! Becca got into the university too early.

The university is a place where (Oyo) "On Your Own" is been preached.

Becca must have found herself meddling with more than her adolescent mind could cope with.

The pressure veered her into joining a female cult immediately she got into school.

She was too scared to tell her mum and dad and they in turn were too busy telling their friends about their wonder kid. She had no one to counsel her.

Are you still wondering why she joined the female cult?

This is Nigeria for crying out loud. A pretty young lady with a car on campus and a promising future?

She was meat for the cult hawks! Could Becca have done anything to stop this? Maybe, but I will say emphatically that without help from her parents or some other concerned party, Becca could never have been able to stand up to those Cult Hawks.

The young wonder kid had to battle too many issues at the same time.

The same TV that celebrated her like a celebrity announced her death which was a fall out of a clash between rival cult gangs in the university.

And you know what shocked and angered me most was her parents were completely unaware of what she was doing at school.

Feud's psychoanalytic theory implies that hormonal and biological changes that occur at  this stage of development (Mid-Puberty) have a direct effect on psychological outcome, leading the adolescent to an inevitable state of anxiety and conflict ( Peterson & Taylor, 1980)
At this stage of development, the young teen is very anxious to belong and  peer conscious, so you find them experimenting with new fashion trends and anything new that's going.

Often when they are suddenly thrust into a society we find them dabbling into drugs, alcoholism, cultism, unwanted pregnancies, abortions and all manner of vices.

Babies themselves, they are completely unable to handle the cold and frightfully independent environment of the university.

(Think of yourself back to your first few days in the university and you'll get the picture).

Why should  (Nigeria parents) not just let things take their natural course ? Why all the rush? Do you ever wonder why our children have to go through A-levels before they can get into universities abroad?

Do you know that the terminal age for high school should actually be 17 years?

Adolescence is the beginning of adulthood.

Start right and be rest assured that we will have well adjusted adults.
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Thursday, 21 September 2017

Parental guidance On How To Stop Child Abuse

Jesus Christ placed a high demand on childrearing, and one of the contemporary issues that must sadden His heart is the sexual abuse on children.

It is an unpleasant subject, but one that poses a serious threat; statistically, one out of three girls and one out of five boys will suffer some form of sexual abuse by age eighteen.

It is dangerous to think it cannot happen in your family or church because it happens to all kinds of people.

Surprisingly, children in Christian homes because of fear and shame often do not tell anybody when they have been abused.

Therefore you must be on the alert for symptoms of abuse in children under your care.

Physical symptoms include unexplained redness, swelling, bruises, infection, or bleeding.

Other symptoms usually include some form of marked changes in behavior that is uncharacteristic of the child, such as reverting to bedwetting or thumbsucking, showing fear of a person or place, or having nightmares or sleep disorder.

Any single physical or behavioral symptom can be caused by something other than abuse, but each should still be checked out.

When clusters of these symptoms occur, they are definite warning signs.

When you have valid reasons to suspect that your child has been abused, file a police report.
Register the urge to investigate the case privately.

Many christians cringe at the thought of causing someone to go to jail, and this may be especially true if the perpetrator is a friend or family member.

Most abused children are victimized by someone they know or trust.

However, you must remember that God established civil government to punish wrongdoing, See Romans. 13:4.

Furthermore, many child abusers are habitual offenders, and those who are not prosecuted remain free to abuse other children.

Abused children should be given a medical examination.

Children sometimes sustain physical damage or contract diseases through sexual abuse, and early detection and treatment are very important.

Parents will also wonder whether an abused child needs professional counselling or therapy. While needs vary greatly from child to child, it is a good idea to schedule at least one evaluative session with a trained counselor.

Some children will need no more than this, while others may need multiple sessions to help them work through fear, anger, and mistrust; those who have suffered repeated abuse, have been victims of incest, exhibit serious behavioral symptoms, or will be participating in a trial fit into this category.

The most important factor in child's recovery is the response by his or her parents.

Tell your child that you are sorry that something bad happened and that you will do all you can to prevent further harm.

You should remain calm in the child's presence because hysteria can convey the message that he or she has done something wrong.

Excessive anger expressed toward the perpetrator can make a child feel guilty for getting someone else in trouble.

Most of all, abused children need to be assured that they have done nothing wrong.

You can take steps to prevent sexual abuse from happening.

Start teaching your children early about safety issues.

At age two or three, instruct them about the private zones of the body "the parts that a bathing suit covers" and that others should not be allowed to touch these parts.

As your children grow older, warn them that sexual abuse can occur in many settings, and that they need to say NO, get away, and tell an adult at, the first sign of danger.

Parents should realize that no child can fully protect himself or herself.

It is the nature of abuse that a more powerful person victimizes those who are helpless.

Therefore, parents must take the lead:  Make sure  you know your baby-sitter, drop in unexpectedly at your day-care center.

Know where your children are playing in your neighbourhood, talk  with your children regularly about how their day went
Make sure your church has a protective policies in its children ministry.

They only sure way of preventing the sexual abuse of children is to deny would -be perpetrators access to your children.

Jesus use harsh language in referring to those who would jeopardize the well being of children (Mark 9:42).

On the other hand, intimated that when we care for these little lambs of the flock, we are engaged in His work.

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Christian Principles: On How To Care For Aging Parents

Life is in phases, time to be nurtured by our parents and time to care of our aging parents.
The book  of Ecclesiastes is full of  hard truths about the experience of life.

One of the most unpleasant realities  we read  about is death. No one likes to think about the aging process and particularly the eventual death of parents.

"I know, " the head affirms, "that every person will grow old and die." But emotionally the heart says."Not my parents."

Reality has a way of intruding on our denial, as Ecclesiastes 12:2-7 points out.

As aging parents age and die, the family that we knew in the past changes forever.

The signs creep up on you. You aging mother says she can no longer prepare the holiday meals for the family, and it falls on you to have them over for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner.

Your aging father, who always used to tell you what to do, calls and asks your advice on whether he should travel in bad weather.

Your aging mother, who was a math whiz, suddenly can't seem to balance her checkbook.

Your realize that your father's eyesight is falling, and he really shouldn't be driving.

Incident like these are the first inkling of the inevitable role reversal, the day when you become the protector of those who protected you.

All change is uncomfortable, and this change really threatens us. Yet, as this passage of Ecclesiastes reminds us, youth and strength do not last for anyone.

Ecclesiastes comforts us, not with soothing cliches, but with the reassurance that what we are going through is both natural and normal.

Troubles will come with advancing age; darkness and cloudiness are as much a part of life as light and sunshine.

Why is it so hard for us to accept this?
Unfortunately, we live in a death denying culture that demands we suppress our awareness of life's shadows.

Nobody wants to talk about sickness and death - its too depressing and as for mourning, forget it! Nobody wants to see us mourn.

Yet, because people live so much longer today, the old sometimes suffer poor health for a long time.

As a result, adult children are often forced to begin the mourning process long before their aging parents' actual death.

When your aging parents are no longer the strong, active people you used to depend on, you mourn the loss. When you have to help them do things they can no longer do for themselves, you mourn and so do they.

Whom can we talk about this gradual grieving process?

Fortunately, we can talk to God. As our creator, he understands our needs.

We can also share our feelings with our siblings who, you may be sure, struggle with negative emotions of their own.

Finally, we should be able to share these thoughts with fellow christians who can accept our grief without judging or condemning us.

Of course, there is no substitute for experience. Those who have helped their own elderly parents  are often the best source for practical advice and empathy.

Caring for your aging parents is not an impossible burden when it is shared, as God intended it to be.
What we must not do is condemn ourselves for what the Bible says is only to be expected.
We cannot fix old age or make those who are preparing to leave this world young and whole again.
It does no good for family members to "be strong" for one another and never express  what they feel.
Talk to your aging parents about the aging process that is robbing of their vitality.
This may be difficult, but you must prepare each other for the eventual and inevitable separation.
Neither should we be putting on a happy face and pretending all is well for the benefit of other believers who there's something wrong with our christian walk if we're not joyful all the time.
When we are honest before God, he will draw us close to himself and give us his strength and joy.
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Wednesday, 20 September 2017

10 Practical Tips For Christian Family Life

Family life is a  long term business and if not well managed; it results to disaster.

In managing your family you need adequate insight in the word of God.

Christian family life from a man's perspective. If you are christian father, this article is for you.

Basic Facts For Dad's

1. As father, your role in the family is very important, it is not just providing shelter and provision for the family, it goes beyond that.

2. The respect that your kids will have for you and your spouse will depend on the loving respect that you have for each other, no matter your defects.

That is, a husband's respect and affection towards his wife generally results in the children's respect and obedience towards her.

And a wife's obvious regard for her husbands character and moral leadership results in the children's holding him in high esteem.

3. Raising a family is an adventure. Like other great adventure, it has trial and setbacks,  times of debts and uncertainty, and moments of deep happiness and triumph.

Ten Practical Tips  For Christian Family Life.
1. Devotion: Pray together as a family; a family that prays together stays together.

Ensure that the whole family prays together at least once everyday.

2. Go to church together as a family: Don't go for one mass/service and the wife and children go for another.

Being with them  at mass/service affords you the opportunity to teach them and let them know that God is most important.
3.  Spend quality time with each of your children, because communication is very important. You can ask them to tell you how they  spent their day.

By doing this you are building an intimate relationship with them and they will tell you anything.

4. Vacation: Plan outings on weekend, go to the cinemas. Plan long vacation  together; you don't have to travel out of the country. Obudu Cattle Ranch, Jos, Shoprite e.t.c are places you can visit.

5. Assign House Chores: Everyone should have a  particular chore he or she takes care of every morning; no matter how small the chore is, that is one of the  way you can teach them to serve humanity.

6. Practice washing your car with your son, it is fun for him, remember you are his hero and idol.

7. Television: The television is a great means for information and entertainment with a lot of risk; you must monitor what your children watch.

Block all pornographic channels and also draw a time table for them. They shouldn't watch the TV always.

8. Internet: It is more like the TV, you should also block all pornographic websites on their computer or smartphone.

Note: The net is very  harmful for children.
9. Academics: Periodically, you should check their performances at school. Consult their teachers and ask them about your child's performance at school.

You should ask your children how they are treated by their teachers to prevent them from being abused.

10. Finally, your family is your season film, make every season interesting.

Raising your children to fear God is one of the greatest challenges we christian parents face today.

You can't force your children against their own will; but with prayers they will certainly change to love God.

In life the greatest reward for a christian family is to have a God fearing children.
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Wednesday, 13 September 2017

The Truth About Forgiveness

The Bible makes it clear that the only way we can put negative parts of the past behind us is through unlimited forgiveness.

Our problem with forgiving comes from Four Myths about it.

1. Myth: Forgiveness is something we do quickly. Sometimes it takes time for us to work through the hurts involved.

We cant easily forgive because sin does real, lasting damage.

Yet God has made forgiveness  possible through completed work of Jesus Christ on the cross.

If we are willing to take the necessary time to forgive, we can do it.

2. Myth: Forgiveness is  the same as condoning what the person did.

Many people withhold forgiveness because they believe that to forgive is to condone the offense that occurred.

But true forgiveness never condones the wrong. No one hates sin more than God, yet God forgives.

Sin  is serious that is made clear by the high price that Jesus Christ paid on the cross.
When you forgive, you acknowledge that wrong has been done, but you don't condone it.

3. Myth: In order to forgive, you must forget. You often support this mistaken idea with verses such as psalm 103:12, which says that God removes our sins "as far away from us as the east is from the west" that is, he "forgets."
But when you insist that your forgiving must be just like God's, you lose sight of the fact that God doesn't need to learn from the experience, you do and to learn, you must remember.

If you do not, you will repeatedly place yourself in hurtful situations.

To forgive does not necessarily mean to forget.

4. Myth: Forgiveness and reconciliation are the same. Some believe that in order to forgive you must first be reconciled with the offender.

We read Matthew 5:23 "apologise and be reconciled" and believe that this teaching makes forgiveness and reconciliation the same.

But what if the person I am seeking to forgive refuses to be reconciled? Then  am  i unable to forgive? Not at all.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are completely separate.

When one person refuses reconciliation, the other can still forgive.

The Truth About Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the cancelling of a debt that cannot be paid.

We God forgave all our sins, "he took this list of sins and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ's cross" Col. 2:14.

Whatever someone has done to you, you need to acknowledge that  you can never "pay the debt."

When a bank cannot collect payment on a debt, it carefully investigates whether there is any hope of ever collecting payment, and if there isn't, It forgives the loan, cancels the debt.

You must learn to forgive others regardless of their ability or willingness to "pay the debt" you feel they owe you for whatever wrong was done.

Most often, whatever is owed to you can never be  paid back anyway.

In Jesus' day, the rabbis said that a person should forgive three times.

Why did Jesus stretch Peter's generous offer to the exorbitant number of 490 times? Because he wants us to realize that forgiveness is at the very heart of God.

If you want to be free from the bondage of the past, you can get that freedom through forgiving.

We are like the servant in the parable of the unforgiving debtor Matt 18:23-25, who was forgiven a debt he could never repay.

Gratitude for our canceled debt must make us into forgiving people. We have been forgiven, and now we need to go home and forgive. Its not easy, but families who do will thrive.


What happens if the other person denies the issue or refuses to hear us out? Can we be reconciled and still forgive? See Matthew 5:23-24 and also Genesis 26:26-29.

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The Biblical Answer For Mid Life Depression And Anxiety

Secrets are in reading and reading, until you read enough you will not know enough.
This article is an article that I wrote to help parents refocus at mid life.

Unfamiliar emotions can have negative effects on us at any age, but they hit at us with unique force at mid life.
Mid life Depression And Anxiety

As a husband, your  wife may want more time and fulfillment.

As a mother, you feel  hassled by your children's demand or sadly by your job coming to an end,  and working women wish they had more family time.

As a husband, you may be disappointed with your occupation, feel unhappy in your marriage, and you regretfully realize your kids are growing up with a shortage of their input and camaraderie.

In Psalm 102, the writer was suffering from negative emotions. In brief but painful graphic words, he spelled out the causes of his depression and anxiety - causes reminiscent of mid life.

Seven Facts About Mid Life Depression And Anxiety

1. Shortness of life. "My days disappear like smoke.... My life is passing swiftly as the evening shadows. I am withering like grass.....(God) has cut me down in middle life, shortening my days" (w. 3, 11, 23).

You try to resist the aging process and death, yet the sun rises and sets and you are another day older.

2. Poor Health: "My health is broken" (v. 3). By mid life, physical health becomes an increasing concern.

These are the years of heart attacks, diabetes, breast tumors, and prostate cancer.

In short, the body is beginning to fall apart.
3. Loss of appetite: It's a vicious cycle, loss of appetite causes depression and compounds problems that tend to increase anxiety and depression.

"My food is tasteless, and I have lost my appetite" (v. 4).
The Biblical Answer For Mid Life Depression And Anxiety

The writer was preoccupied with his problems.
Weight loss is common during great anxiety. The result is that"I am reduced to skin and bones" (v.5).

4. Loneliness: " I am like a vulture in a far off wilderness or like an owl alone in the desert.
I lie awake, lonely as a solitary sparrow on the roof" (vv. 6-7). Each of these describes a special kind of loneliness.

The vulture reminds us of detachment as death approaches.

We can easily picture the owl, alone and hooting from an isolated branch in the darkness of night.

The third bird is a "solitary sparrow" alone on the roof.

5. Mocked by Enemies. "My enemies taunt me day after day and cause at me" (v. 8).

Success brings a feeling of having arrived, but also an unmentioned fear that other people are for you to fail.

The higher you move up the ladder, the fewer people there are ahead of you, and the more people beneath you ready to take your place.

6. Loss poise, control, and stability: Picture the writer, sitting and weeping in mourning and utter humiliation.

He lifts a cup of water to his lips, and his tears drop into his cup.

He's a broken man with a life out of control. That's what mid life feels like.

7. Loss of opportunity: The psalmist contrasted his own fame with God's: "My life is passing swiftly as the evening shadows. I am withering like grass, while you. Lord, are a famous King forever.

Your name will endure to every generation" (vv. 11 - 12).

The person in mid life depression sees that life is coming to an end and feels that he or she has done nothing of significance: I am a passing, finite, frail, dying human who has accomplished nothing.

8. Impending Death: "He has  cut me down in middle life, shortening my days" (v. 23).
By mid life you begin to see death as imminent reality.

Days are numbered, and the focus switches from counting the years since birth to counting the years before death.

We naturally tend to reach out for solutions to depression and anxiety.

The difficulty is that some solutions are not effective.

Our problems do not have human answers.
You cannot lengthen your life, avoid death, in our own strength become famous, change the mind of an enemy, or eliminate a physical health problem.

But we can recognize, as did the psalmist, that God  is concerned for us and with us.

"He will listen to the prayers of the destitute for he is never too busy to heed their request" (v. 17).

You can find real help for depression by looking and laying the causes of your   depression at his feet. God knows our needs and he love us.

Deeper View on Mid life Depression And Anxiety:

The answer for mid life depression and anxiety is to all God to define who we should be and what we should be doing with our life. Read how the prophet Elijah went through this process (1 Kings 19).
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